Truth Behind My Big Chop

People repeatedly ask why I decided to cut my hair.

The truth is I did not only cut my hair because I wanted to transition to natural hair. There is a much bigger and powerful meaning to my big chop.

On June 14, 2013 my boyfriend passed away. It has been really hard to continue living after his loss. The first few months were especially hard, I did not have the energy to deal with my hair, put outfits together or even shower. My daily looks consisted of pajamas or my boyfriend’s t-shirt and some sort of messy bun.

This was really out of character for me. Before I would not leave my house until my hair looked a certain way and my outfits were always spiffy. Overall looks were very important to me.

Grief helped me realize how materialist and vain I was. When you lose someone you truly love and value you realize that all the material things around are so irrelevant. I would trade in my closet to have my boyfriend back. So much money I spent buying clothes, hair and beauty products and for what? In the end when my heart was aching all those materials that I valued so much before did nothing to ease the pain.

I would have never ever dared to cut my hair so short. Worried about others opinion and worried it would make me less attractive. But after this experience I completely stopped caring about what others think. And even more important my biggest critic was shut down, my mirror. Whether I have waist long hair or a bald head my heart will continue to ache the same way and this will not be last time. Things will continue to happen in life; some good some bad, whether I look like a Barbie or a Chihuahua it will not stop life from happening or make pain disappear.

My boyfriend always said he liked me so much more when I did not wear makeup, allowed my hair to curl naturally and wore simple clothes. He would complain I was putting on a mask and covering my true beauty. Even though I had really bad acne, he preferred to see my bare skin than pounds of make-up on my face.

I know you must be wondering why on earth would she post that picture. Yes my face was full of acne and yet I was so happy. I was able to be me without having to hide my flaws and my boyfriend accepted and loved me for me. He taught me a very valuable lesson. Whoever is going to love you for you will love you at a raw state, no makeup, no mask, no filter.

Once you learn to love yourself no matter how you look you will radiate confidence and that itself is beauty. Then everyone around you will respect you for YOU not for your looks or fashion or who you may be portraying to be.

Of course I still enjoy fashion and beauty but it doesn’t control my life. It is a hobby not what defines me.

I cut my hair to relief myself from expectations, beauty standards and to break free from material attachments. God gave me what he gave me; curly hair, dark skin, short stature, scoliosis, a curvy body, acne, glaucoma, a big birth mark on my belly (which I hated when I was younger), so I will work with it and love myself with each and every one of my flaws.

I dedicate this post to my beloved boyfriend, Sammy.
Thank you mi lindo, for continuing to teach me self-love and the true values of life even while not being physically with me.

Thanks for reading chicas