I haven’t been on this side of town in quite some time but here I am saying hello, I hope everyone is doing lovely.
This past Friday on July 27 I turned 27 years old. I think back and wonder where has time gone? I honestly feel I just turned 21 how is it I jumped to 27 this quick. I guess it doesn’t matter now, I am here and the time that’s gone is gone. I mean don’t get me wrong it has been 27 lovely years filled with blessings; some hardships and low times but a great life nonetheless.
When I was in the darkest moments of my live I shared it on here. And now I am here to say I survived. Five years later here I am full of life, hope and faith. I almost don’t believe it, I kind of fear losing this feeling because it took so much digging and searching to find it. Life will always happen, at the least expected moments it will knock you off our feet but I pray to God that I am able to hold on to at least an ounce of this new-found love I hold on to dearly.
It’s a feeling of joy with nothing. And by nothing I mean there is no career or materialistic gain. It’s just a feeling of fulfillment within me, more than happy I am deeply in love with myself. I found me, the real me midst of depression. I discovered fun in my own company, I placed faith in myself knowing that the future is bright; I will be more than okay. I let go, let go of it all. I got rid of material attachments which I had placed so much emotional involvement in and decluttered which helped me feel much lighter. Guilt was something else that had to go. The guilt of feeling joy, sometimes in grief we feel we shouldn’t feel anything but pain and take on sadness as our new life companion any ray of joy or relieve we may feel we reject because we become so comfortable in grief, it’s easier to stay in that comfort zone than to fight for your life back. But eventually even grief gets old, it’s exhausting, it’s heavy, it’s sickening it becomes physically painful and that is when change emerges.
Once you survive something you feel will destroy you it gives you reassurance that anything else thrown at you you will find a way to overcome. I am no fool I know no matter how many losses you experience it will always hurt when it happens, no one is an expert at grief; grief is grief it hurts no matter how many times you encounter it but it is important to move and not stay in a place of grief, it’s unfair to stay there.
One tiny small change a day or every other day or whatever pace feels right to you, the point is small changes will get you to the goal. Maybe its somethings as insignificant as a coloring book and a crayon or cooking, trying a new recipe or exercise or learning a new craft the options are endless but the goal is keep building on. For me it was chopping of my hair and becoming a natural and then learning to care for my new hair, then DIYs came into effect and eventually sewing and blogging and before I knew it I formed this tight bond with this person who turned out to be really dope, that person is ME.
I encourage you to find the dope in you, find the hidden friend in you, life will be glorious afterwards.
Below is a video I didn’t get around to posting before my birthday it a self-reflection on my new-found self. (Excuse the language, I am very passionate about this topic)
Till next time,
Love to all ❤